Our own little world
by mutant
Summary: B/X, hard to explain really, quite complicated
1. Prologue

Title: Our own little world (prologue/3)  
  
Author: Michael Dunbar  
  
E-mail: mutant190583@yahoo.com  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, Joss owns all  
  
Summary: Read….. You may like it  
  
-----------------  
  
"You're not supposed to be here you know… This is my world, my own little world" Xander clutches at his pant leg, he has his knees placed against his chest as he sits under a table, he rocks himself back and forth gently, his eyes remaining focused on the floor, his head never lifting to see the intruder, she's not supposed to be here, she's not supposed to be anywhere, this is his world, why won't she leave? Why won't she die again?  
  
The magic box is an eerie dark that seems to penetrate everything, the only thing reminiscent of light is a little flicker outside one of the windows. There are no books, no books on the shelves, that's the first thing Buffy notices, the entire magic box is empty of everything that makes it "magic", Xander sits on the floor but she doesn't move towards him.  
  
Xander clutches onto his legs tightly, he hasn't blinked once since she'd entered this place, that's when they get to you, that's when they can hurt you and they can kill you, it will never happen to him.  
  
"It's… me Xander, don't you remember?" A few tears can be seen running down the slayer's face even in the dimly lit magic box "Buffy"  
  
"I remember…" He says nervously "But you're not supposed to be here…. They could be back any second… Any second they could be back, back and hurt…. When they see you they'll be angry, angry so angry… Leave…."  
  
"No, not unless you leave with me" She replies determined, she had only been here a minute or so and already she hated this place, it's so dark, even by slayer standards. This isn't the magic box she knows and loves.  
  
Xander laughs once, not a cheery laugh, but a hopeless one, he doesn't look up and remains rocking on his heels "Leave, me…. Can't, you see this is my world…. I'm safe, so safe…. It's nice"  
  
"NICE?" Buffy replies looking around "Look at this place Xander…. It's dark and dingy, you are scared, please come back with me"  
  
"Leave me…." He responds, his feet touch the floor gently one time before he actually turns his head to look at the slayer, his eyes show nothing, which makes Buffy gasp once, the mirth she is so used to is gone… the happiness normally present in them eyes had vanished, and all that remains is hopelessness and defeat, this isn't the Xander Harris she knows so well.  
  
"This is my mind Buffy, I'm safe in here" Xander winks once, he doesn't smile, he doesn't produce the grin she had come to be so fond of, he just winks.  
  
The slayer can feel herself been dragged somewhere, stretched and pulled before the light comes into view, the light from the overhead lamp flickers once and she feels light headed as she sits up, just to see Giles and Willow looking at her, waiting in anticipation.  
  
"Giles…" A tear runs down her cheek "He's given up Giles, He….."  
  
She feels herself been enveloped into a hug as she nearly falls back, the tears come freely now as her two best friends hug her tightly, giving her comfort and vice versa.  
  
They had been so careful, they all knew he didn't have powers and yet they let him fight, why?  
  
Why couldn't she have seen him headed for that one demon, he was so large and strong, the demon had a knife that he was planning on throwing at her and that's when he got all heroic, when he became himself, as always, the protector, even if he is human. The demon picked him up so easily, so effortlessly he threw him through the air and the same sound still reverberates inside Buffy's head, the sound of Xander's head hitting the crypt wall, what a sickening sound, the worst sound in the world. Before he went Xander's eyes had flicked to hers once, it was all in slow motion, she tried to reach him before he had hit the wall; she was too slow, too damn slow. But in the end she couldn't, and his eyes just closed as they locked onto hers, as he escaped into his own mind.  
  
The doctor's say that he'll never recover; each day he is in the coma is like another nail in his coffin, that's 21 nails so far. 3 weeks he had been gone from there lives, they say that his brain is too badly damaged, but the Scooby gang always try to prove other people wrong.  
  
Rage had filled her after seeing him fall, after seeing the pained expression and all of the blood, there was so much blood. She just kept hitting the demon, hitting as hard as she could, blood spewing from him like a fountain as she punched. That's how she broke her wrist, in 8 places, she couldn't even remember feeling them break, so much emotion had gone through her.  
  
After making sure the demon suffered she hugged him, tightly, trying to wake him, trying to bring him back into the light. She had called his name and run her hands through his blood soaked hair.  
  
It wasn't supposed to be like this, he wasn't supposed to be a damn casualty.  
  
Xander lays in a hospital bed now, the machine at his side controls all his vitals, it keeps him alive.  
  
Buffy hates that machine.  
  
His eyes are sunken into his skull and the usual playful smile had been wiped from his face, his cheeks are thin, she notices that.  
  
A tear runs down her cheek as Willow and Giles release her, she holds onto Xander's hand, she wanted to help him so much, but he wouldn't let her, why?  
  
The slayer is useless now, useless to him; he can't be saved by something she can beat up. He needs a friend, he needs some emotional support, and he needs Buffy Anne Summers.  
  
She brings his hand up to her lips and kisses it gently, he means so much to her. They had been closer these last few months, watching video tapes at his apartment most nights, and on others he would patrol with her, they were close now, and they were maybe about to get closer.  
  
They had kissed once, before the fight, before they were set to take down that behemoth of a demon. It was so warm, so nice, a kiss she could get lost in, a kiss that meant so much to both of them.  
  
She feels a smile come upon her but she quickly wipes it off, she has no right to smile while he's like this. She casts her eyes to Giles and Willow's, she looks at them determinedly.  
  
"Send me back in, I have to go"  
  
"Buffy… You can't it's too dangerous.. We"  
  
Buffy holds up her hand, Willow doesn't say one more word, they both know she's going in whether it's dangerous or not. Because Willow would do the same if she could, but she can't, she had a bind placed on her by the Wicca council, only magic could be cast on someone else, and not damaging magics either.  
  
Giles doesn't say anything; he just nods his head and gets the magic items out once again, and goes about setting them up. 


	2. 1

Title: Our own little world (1/3)  
  
Author: Michael Dunbar  
  
E-mail: mutant190583@yahoo.com  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, Joss owns all  
  
Summary: Read….. You may like it  
  
-----------------  
  
The brightly lit hospital room disappears once more, the chanting fades away into silence as she feels herself pulled in several directions. It's dark, wherever Buffy is, the only light she can see is far off, far away in the distance. Her foot touches something soft and she looks down to investigate, its grass, soft wet green grass, and her feet sink into it. Then she looks up, her eyes adjusting, or at least trying to, to the darkness surrounding her, she tries to make out her surroundings, while she does her best to warm herself, and a chill runs up her spine.  
  
Donned in some thin sweats and a T-shirt only, a chill runs its way up her spine once more, making her shiver intensely as the cold chill seems to fill her entire being and she cuddles her arms together to try and counter it's actions, the darkness seems to slightly lift allowing her a view of her surroundings, giving her a view of something not five feet away, five items that protrude from the ground.  
  
Gravestones  
  
They stick up through the grass at strange angles and mouldy substances cling to them tightly, but Buffy, try as she might, can't make out the names engraved into the grey headstones. One step further and she still seems to have difficulty in deciphering the words, her slayer eyesight doing little to help, as the darkness around seems to cling to everything, so she creeps forward and pulls herself down onto the grass beside the first stone, brushing her hand against the wet cold hard stone she rubs at the name till it becomes visible to her.  
  
"Rupert Giles"  
  
"Father and Watcher"  
  
Buffy instantly recoils from the stone, her eyes unbelieving at the name engraved there, checking all of the stones slowly, and reluctantly, Buffy looks at them, terrified that a nightmare of her own has been made flesh. But she realises that this nightmare isn't hers, it's his and he's hurting, and for that reason alone she must carry on, no matter what consequences the nightmare has on her own psyche, but for his sake.  
  
The nightmare before her is a recurring one for Buffy alone, even to this date, but from ever since she had arrived in Sunnydale and befriended Willow and Xander on that first day, she had had nightmares of such things happening, many a night she had awoken with there names on her lips, a sweat pouring from her as she fought her own mind to save them, failing. But to see it visualised and real, to the touch, to be seen is another thing entirely, a thing Buffy hopes never comes true, but the truth sets in, it already has to one of the scoobs, to her friend, she brushes herself off and stands, the edge of the graveyard is straight ahead and leads into town, she hopes.  
  
Her feet are gentle on the pavement, she tries to be quiet but the sound echoes loudly, the only sound in the entire town, it would seem. A direct replica of Sunnydale, right down to the Starbucks coffee house on the edge of main and 2nd. Finding her way around would seem easy, but for some reason things seem different in this town, the streets are darker, the night is longer and the evil more pure, she can feel it in her slayer bones.  
  
Buffy herself tries to rationalise that it can't be real, that this Sunnydale doesn't exist and is merely part of a coma induced nightmare from Xander, but the chill running through her convinces her other wise. Her feet tap louder now, a thunderous sound through the streets as she steps up her pace a notch, she makes it to the magic box, a candle burns gently outside on the window sill, the light she had seen from inside, before.  
  
The magic box looks the same, Xander sits huddled up tightly under the same table, but this time he looks worse, his eyes more sunken, and his face more sullen. The darkness seems to creep towards him silently, like a moth to a flame. He doesn't even acknowledge her this time and Buffy fears the worst, she takes a step forward and the floor underfoot creaks.  
  
It's so dark, like the centre of a black hole sucking everything else towards it, him being the centre yet keeping the blackness away from him; it's so close to touching now.  
  
Buffy kneels in front of him, he still sways back and forth and she places her hands gently on his knees to slow him, he doesn't look up, his eyes remain locked onto a floorboard not far off, he's so different from any Xander she had ever seen and she'd seen many sides of her friend.  
  
Xander was always the one to be optimistic, to be the centre and support for them, to stop them collapsing in times of need, he was there anchor, there crutch. But not anymore, now he needs someone to support him and Buffy, Buffy doesn't know how to, she had been a good friend to him she could at least say that, she had been supporto gal for Willow, she had been supporto gal for Giles even, but for him, for him she had never been it, because he had never seemed to need it, Buffy looks at him, he still hasn't acknowledged her presence, his eyes just staring into space, that same hopelessness tied to into him as before.  
  
She runs her fingers gently over the top of his hand, he still hugs his legs tightly, and he doesn't appear to notice the touch. A tear runs its way down her left cheek, but she brushes it away, now is not the time to cry, she will be here for him and help him. Leaning down she gently goes to kiss the top of his hand, in the same place as she had in the hospital room, but that is until she feels it jerked away from her.  
  
Buffy looks up to see the shocked face of Xander, his eyes finally showing realisation of her presence, but still void of all thing Xanderish, a fact that hurts her as she looks at him.  
  
"Buffy…. My god, what are you doing here, leave… Leave NOW"  
  
Xander's voice is a near shout, he pushes her backwards, the first movement she'd seen from him since she'd arrived, unless you count the pendulum like rocking. She feels herself been pulled to her feet by him, as he pushes her towards the door, he's in a hurry to get rid of her, to get her out of this place, fear evident in every move he makes.  
  
"You have to leave, he'll be back…" The door opens before they reach it, a bright light shines in there eyes and a dark figure stands in the door way "Any moment" 


	3. 2

Title: Our own little world (2/3)  
  
Author: Michael Dunbar  
  
E-mail: mutant190583@yahoo.com  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, Joss owns all  
  
Summary: Read….. You may like it  
  
-----------------  
  
It's dark now, Buffy notices that. The man had faded, disappearing into nothing; she didn't even get to see his face before she was out of that place, dragged out by someone protecting that man and what he stands for, and Buffy believes she knows who it is that is protecting him.  
  
Xander  
  
Even if he is tormented by whomever that is, he still has control of this world, it's his own mind and he didn't want her to intervene, so with a simple twist of his inner mind he dumped her here.  
  
Somewhere dark.  
  
A faint light can now be seen, it's just a sparkle in the distance, like a star in the night sky, but it seems to get larger. It expands by the second and is soon so close Buffy could reach out and touch it, but fear holds her back, she doesn't want to touch it, she has no idea of the consequences.  
  
The light remains still now, it doesn't expand or move, it just remains, and seems to Buffy to be the only way to go, her hand gently reaches out, and she feels the warmth permeate her as her hand enters the light, before her entire body is quickly pulled in.  
  
---------  
  
The light hits her quickly and she covers her eyes to block it, the wind gently caresses her back and the grass under her feet is soft. Buffy looks around, she is standing in the middle of the park, trees are all around her and a few people walk past hardly taking notice of her.  
  
As her eyes scan the surroundings she notices them, two kids. They stand not far off, one redheaded girl and one dark haired boy, with eyes that are not unfamiliar to her, and a manner that is as humorous as she would expect from him, even at this age. They are about 7 both of them; the boy holds a baseball bat in his hand, with a cap on his head, and the girl a baseball and mitt in hers.  
  
Buffy walks forward quietly, gentle steps till she can listen in.  
  
"Come on Will, you can throw harder, my grandma can throw harder than that last one, hell my dog would give better"  
  
"Why you…."  
  
Young Willow seems to be going a shade of red, with a cross between embarrassment and anger, her hand lashes out and the ball flies through the air, the boy pulls up his bat and just avoids been hit on the head as it deflects.  
  
"Willow… My Girl, you should throw like that more often" The boy says in a laugh, his face full of pride "Go on give me another one, only this time lower"  
  
Willow grins and her she runs to grab the ball.  
  
The image fades before Buffy's eyes and she feels herself pulled once more.  
  
------------  
  
"You're USELESS; you can't even look after that brat upstairs"  
  
The voice is loud; Buffy stands at the foot of a bed and looks down upon the boy, his face covered by a pillow as he tries and blocks out the loud noises from downstairs.  
  
"Well if you were here more often then maybe he wouldn't be such a brat"  
  
"OH DON'T BLAME THIS ON ME"  
  
"Well who else should I blame but the invisible dad?"  
  
The voices get louder and Buffy kneels down at the side of the bed, a tear runs down her cheek as she looks at a younger version of Xander, he looks so upset and depressed as he tries and block the noises out with the pillow, but she understands the pain he's going through.  
  
Buffy knows she can't do anything, this is a memory, something that had already happened in the past, one memory that Xander's mind had chosen to show her. But she can't help but want to cuddle the child and try and make it all better, the child that would become a hero in his own right, saving her life on a few occasions, and the rest on more.  
  
She feels herself pulled again, but this time she feels reluctant to leave, but having no choice she watches as the surroundings disappear.  
  
-----------  
  
The place is crowded, all sorts of teenagers walk past her not paying any mind to her, and Buffy looks up the stairs.  
  
It's Sunnydale high, the big building clearly standing out at the top of the stairs.  
  
She hears a voice, a familiar voice, and turns accordingly to spot him coming through the crowd on a skateboard. His hair all ragged as the wind blows it wildly around, he just barely avoids a person and shouts.  
  
"Get out of the way"  
  
"Coming through"  
  
His attention is caught by something and she follows his gaze, it's her, it's a younger version of herself. Mini skirts, tops and hair she wouldn't even consider anymore let alone wear.  
  
Buffy hears a thud and turns around to spot him under the railing, pulling himself up, and she smiles.  
  
-------------  
  
This time she feels herself jolted as she appears somewhere, the surroundings unknown to her.  
  
A small table is planted several feet in front of her; a man sits there, his head covered by a hood. The place is a library; Buffy had gathered that much by the stacks lining the walls and the floors.  
  
"You know… Your not supposed to be here, it's not good that you're here.. No, never good, all bad… bad bad bad"  
  
Buffy turns to see Xander, his eyes more sunken, his cheeks thinner, and his hair covered in sweat. He looks like he's been to hell twice over and has gone back for seconds, he doesn't walk, but more like limps toward her, his eyes wild as he looks around.  
  
"This isn't for you…My own place, nice knowledge place… I learn much here, it's nice and warm"  
  
She reaches for his hands but he pulls back, not wanting to touch her.  
  
Buffy lets him get closer of his own accord, hurt by his reaction to her touch, but not showing it.  
  
"What is this place Xander? Is this where all the books are from the magic box?"  
  
"Yea, books don't belong in the magic box… It's too magicy…."  
  
Buffy doesn't argue and points to the guy sat at the table "Who's that Xander?"  
  
"Him… He's knowledge guy" Xander looks at her "Everyone knows that"  
  
Buffy reaches for his hand again, this time he doesn't pull away and she gently entwines there fingers.  
  
"Xander, do you know where we are?" She asks  
  
"Of course, we are here… Safe place number 2, nice place.. Man can't get us here; It's nice and safe…."  
  
"I need to ask you something Xander, will you answer?"  
  
"Of course Buffy"  
  
Buffy looks at him, and for a second he almost looks normal, his eyes no longer wild, his cheeks no longer sunken and for a second she allows herself a smile, before he turns back.  
  
"Who is this man?"  
  
"Darkness, evil… Pure, he hurts… He makes me remember, all the pain… All the darkness… He tortures and hurts me…. You won't let him hurt me again, will you?"  
  
Xander looks even weaker for a second, his face reminding her of his younger self as he hides under the pillow, away from reality. She pulls him to her and he gently falls into her arms, no tears fall, and he doesn't disappear and fade away from her this time. Buffy falls to her knees with him and gently runs her hands through his air, trying to soothe him.  
  
"I won't let him hurt you… I promise Xander"  
  
She hears him breath heavily, his eyes are closed and he looks to be in slumber, his inner self needing a rest, she presumes. Buffy looks at him and kisses him on the forehead, before whispering.  
  
"I love you… No one will hurt you, ever again" 


End file.
